Lazers Never Die (even in Ohio)

Call me a fanboy, about 3 months ago I bought tickets to see Major Lazer (and Bassnectar) twice in one week in April. That week is finally here and I finally saw the greatest dancehall/rave act of the century...
...in Cleveland fucking Ohio on a Wednesday night.

Needless to say, the dancefloor was a strange array of people: hippy-dreadlockers for Bassnectar, bros in Ed Hardy for god knows why, and the occasional guidette/sorostitute/raver/hot chick. So maybe I'm exaggerating about the lack of girls, but I'm not exaggerating when I say the dancefloor smelled like BBQ, corn and chicken pot pie. Golly-gee-willickers, I love the midwest.

Major Lazer put on a great show--Skerritboy mindfucked the wholesome audience by daggering the shit out of some girls they brought up on stage. All sizes of girls. It was awesome.

Skerrit also continued to climb around the light fixtures that enclosed the dancefloor. motherfucker is crazy.

Diplo held shit down--wish he would have laid off the house in favor of something a bit more fresh, but can you blame a DJ for trying to please his audience? People were responsive, but as I woulda guessed, everybody seemed to confuse Skerritboy with 'Major Lazer.' Skerritboy is not Major Lazer. Major Lazer is not a real person. He's a cartoon/concept Jamaican post-apocalyptic zombie killer whose story is told through the tunes produced by Diplo and Switch. So really, Major Lazer was everybody on stage (diplo, skerrit and that one girl they tour with). He is less of a personifiable entity than a thing which exists only in and of itself, therefore allowing the blanket term to be applied to the whole crew. Less of that, more of what came next-->>>>

<<<<----bassnectar. I was a little sad that the soundguy kept ML's set noticeably quieter than bassnectar's. I suppose this is a standard of club-gigging ethics, but it still pisses me off a bit. He was pretty sick to see live, tho... kept the energy at 110% the entire set. I've only seen that sort of crowd working at metal shows.

come to think of it, his set was very metal. maybe too metal for me, but the dancefloor ate it the fuck up. he hit the brown note and then some (approx sub-10hz). The place was flexing under his turntables. Speaking of, the guy is a fucking turntable whiz; adding crazy shit all over the place.

i scored some autograffs 2! Had a mini-convo w/ diplo in which i told him how awesome i thought his music is. I tried really hard to not suck his cock, but that's really what ended up happening.

all in all, exceeded my expectations for a venue in ohio. with friday comes their next show... in the mother fucking D. PUT YO' HANDS UP FO' DI-TROYYIT!!


oh yo, peep these crazy urinals! they bees in there! painted on like!



Anonymous said...

dude i've pissed on so many bees. straight pissed on a bee hive. but not really.

GENIE said...

people aim for the bees

Anonymous said...


jon the craptist said...

the bee thing is brilliant. bassnectar is for hippies